Just a thought dump

"They break your heart, they steal your soul, take you apart and yet they somehow make you whole. So what's their game. I suppose a rose by any other name, the perfume and the pricks the same. So lets bring on the men and let the fun begin!" Bring on the Men from Jekyll and Hyde

I have found a paradox in myself once again. I love the east coast, the very idea of it, the architecture, the diversity, and the history. Even though I have only been able to go twice, once on a church history tour and once with Georgia Boy, I love it.
And recently I was looking through Kwisten's pictures of her adventures in NY city, and once again felt the urge to live there. Just to have the elegant buildings, crammed apartments that still have beauty, and adventure. Yes, I do love the central mountain region, I lived here all of my childhood and technically still do when I go to college. But it's lacking what I thrive on, culture diversity and history. Okay some can argue that it has tons of history, which it does thanks to the LDS church, and I understand that but I want more. Where are the buildings that have been there since the 1600s? Where are the stories of the founding fathers? Of the wars the devastated the US? The buildings packed tightly together to accommodate the steep increase in population?
And as for culture diversity, it's getting better but it's still not what I like (What? A Utah Mormon asking for diversity? She must be crazy).
But then we run into a problem when I think about moving to a large city that holds that history and diversity. I start to freak out a little.
See I always thought that homecity was big, what with the university and everything here. So I thought big cities would be no problem. I even had the notion of moving to San Fransisco for a while. Then I took a trip to SLC for some reason when I was around 12 and realized something. Homecity is not big at all, not compared to SLC and SLC isn't even that big of a city compared to where I was dreaming of living. This hit me even more when I was turning 15 and I went to a cousin's wedding in San Francisco. I got claustrophobic from driving around the city. Just because the roads were so tight and the buildings so impending. Shouldn't I love this? It's what I want. But I couldn't get over it.
I loved the Old City in Jerusalem and never got that feeling even though a lot of the roads were overly crowded and were encased by housing above. Who knows why that is.
It seems that big cities have drawn out another aspect of my personality for me. I love them but they scare me half to death. Like most things in my life.

*Growl, grumble grumble, growl*

Don't know why I really wrote this. I guess just to get it out. Congrats for getting to know another side of me.

Oh and just to put in my vote of who is going to die tonight on Castle: I call either the Captain or Laini....Or the guy they keep bringing in to sub for her. Hey, don't give me that skeptical look, it could totally work, they killed of a sub character on NCIS so there.